Continued from part II.
Reality Killed the Video Star (2009)
After Rudebox bombed, Robbie “went into rehab” and, by all accounts, hasn’t touched a drop since. And if further proof were needed that few things are less interesting than a contented and “recovered” artist, then his subsequent studio albums provide it in abundance. The first of these, 2009’s Reality Killed the Video Star, is shockingly anodyne. Lead single “Bodies” is catchy enough, though it’s an ass-clenchingly transparent attempt to replicate the success of “Supreme” by speaking to the concerns of perennially single women in their mid-30s, most of whom, tellingly, stopped buying Robbie’s records at precisely this point in time. The remainder of this unforgivably bloodless LP is composed of gloopily agreeable soft rock (“Morning Sun”, “Decepticon”) and sub-Rudebox electropop (“Last Days of Disco”, “Starstruck”) but, overall, it’s a world away from the mood swings and megalomania of artistically more fertile times.
Rating: * *
Standout track: “Bodies”
Take the Crown (2012)
Christ, if anything, this is even more boring than its predecessor, which was at least recorded in the immediate aftermath of Robbie’s new-found sobriety and domestication, and was thus somewhat haunted by the ghosts of past excesses and depravities. Take the Crown, by contrast, unmistakably comes from a place of anaesthetised and complacent captivity. Video Star was soft and saccharine, but here, Robbie and his “team” endeavour to reinstate some imperial-era hard rock – to no discernible effect whatsoever. Opener “Be a Boy” is a passable, synth-laden New Order-style “anthem”, but the rest of the album is coma-inducingly ponderous, with the sole, execrable exception of an intensely irritating Gary Barlow-penned sunshine-reggae-pop abomination named “Candy.” The taxi cab is waiting, lads.
Rating: *
Standout track: “Be a Boy”
Swing Both Ways (2013)
Not content with subjecting his dwindling audience to narcolepsy-inducing middle-aged pop-rock flotsam, Robbie proceeded to add insult to injury by releasing yet another godforsaken fucking swing album in the year of our Lord 2013. The listener is once again compelled to endure a gruelling and mystifying succession of throwbacks to the roaring twenties, most of which are tiresome duets with flash-in-the-pan turn-of-the-century karaoke singers like Lily Allen, Kelly Clarkson and, most mortifyingly of all, japing X-Factor-winning amoeba Olly Murs. On this occasion, however, Robbie peppers the track list with some “original compositions”, many of them written with his erstwhile collaborator Guy Chambers, and most of which sound like he’s taking the piss, especially closer “No One Likes a Fat Popstar.” The wistful and earnest “Go Gentle” is an admittedly touching tribute to Robbie’s infant daughter but, on the whole, this is yet more instantly forgettable bargain basement tomb raiding.
Rating: *
Standout track: “Go Gentle”
The Heavy Entertainment Show (2016)
This isn’t quite a return to form, but it is, at least, an improvement on the previous three mood disorder-fomenting records. It appeared a full ten years after Rudebox, Robbie’s final drug-fuelled imperial phase release, by which point the initial evangelical ecstasy of redemptive sobriety and marital life was surely beginning to curdle. The resulting creeping jadedness is amply detailed in the lyrics, which come close to the sulphuric bite and playfulness of Robbie’s earliest and more interesting albums. “Party Like a Russian” is an amusing – and quite unique – Prokofiev-sampling Soviet stomp of a lead single, but the key songs are those dedicated to his children; “Motherfucker”, a mischievous and, beneath the humour, remarkably honest and painful reckoning with his family’s history (and future) of mental illness; and “I Love My Life”, a very heartfelt wish for the future happiness of his daughters. The album flattens toward the end but it does, at least, provide signs of life after a decade of drudgery.
Rating: * * *
Standout track: “I Love My Life”
Final Ranking
1. Escapology (* * * * *)
2. I’ve Been Expecting You (* * * *)
3. Rudebox (* * *)
4. Intensive Care (* * *)
5. Sing When You’re Winning (* * *)
6. Life Thru a Lens (* * *)
7. The Heavy Entertainment Show (* * *)
8. Reality Killed The Video Star (* *)
9. Take The Crown (*)
10. Swing Both Ways (*)
11. Swing When You’re Winning (*)